The Death of Andre DiMera

There's been another murder in Salem, and unfortunately it was the murder of Andre DiMera. While this death saddens me, I hold onto hope that because Andre is Andre, he's not really dead and he's got something even bigger up his sleeve. As I type this, I'm currently watching the episode of Andre's funeral. And I've got to ask...why aren't the residents of Salem throwing a party over this death???

I get that Abigail has a special relationship with Andre DiMera and never knew him at his worst, however even Marlena has expressed remorse over Andre's death which I find to be absolutely out of character. Marlena would never dance on anybody's grave, but there's a huge problem I've had with Andre and the way people perceive him ever since he came back to Salem. Everyone seems to forget one tiny little thing--ANDRE DIMERA IS A SERIAL KILLER.

Now it's completely possible that I have overlooked a retcon somewhere that vindicates Andre of the Salem Slasher killings of the 80s, however as far as I'm aware, that hasn't happened. During the Salem Slasher storyline of 1983 and 1984, Andre was responsible for the murders of Renee Dumonde, Leticia Bradford, Trista Evans, as well as two other minor characters. He even later murdered Stefano's henchman Bart as well as Stefano's son Benjy Hawk. So Andre has quite a rap sheet that no one should be forgetting. Even if Andre was never convicted of these murders, the people of Salem know about them and would never welcome him into their lives as reformed. The fact that this many people are legit mourning his death is just bizarre.

Since his 2015 return, everyone seems to have gotten a convenient case of amnesia and Andre has not lived up to his diabolical history. I was hoping that when Ron took over as head writer, he would give us our over-the-top villain we know and love, however he's been extremely tame and underwhelming. This new Andre has not given us nearly enough murder, kidnapping, impersonation, or chaos in general.

Days has certainly gotten better under Ron's guidance, however I am still waiting for him to kick it up a notch. I look forward to seeing how this John mystery unfolds and I love the old school characters Ron keeps bringing back (especially Vivian, Anna, Carrie, and Billie), but things just aren't as exciting as I know they can be.

Out with the New, In with the New

Sometimes, I swear that someone out there in Days of our Lives Land is reading this blog. I'll point out problems on here, and then after six or so months of filming delays--I get results! A lot of the issues I pointed out in my last post have been tackled and I couldn't be happier with the direction Days has been heading in under their newest writer Ryan Quan. That said, I'm even HAPPIER that he got the axe in favor of RON CARLIVATI! My prayers have been answered!!!

The soap gods have been listening to my prayers.

I'm not sure if I'd ever suggested on my blog that Ron Carlivati come to Days after he was let go from General Hospital, but I certainly tweeted about it! Ron is the one who got me hooked on GH when I decided to give it a shot. He brought that spark to General Hospital that Days had been missing for years. He gave us over-the-top characters, interconnected storylines that built and evolved in interesting ways, and he gave us couples that we could root for, cry with, and laugh at. I would frustratingly ask myself, "Why can't Days be this good??? I wish Ron could be writing Days!" And now my wish has been granted.

So while I am over the moon that Ron is coming to Days, I'm actually pretty happy with the direction Ryan Quan has been taking the show. He's been doing a great job of pushing it in the direction it's needed to go, addressing many of the criticisms I've mentioned in previous posts. I also feel like he's trying to go back and fix some of the mistakes they've made, such as Stefano's shitty death! I have yet to see the episodes where Stefano actually returns, so I can't weigh in on the actually quality of his revised send-off, but the adventure in Prague is something I've been clamoring for. It's been fun to take these characters out of Salem for a bit, and it's been even more fun to see Anna return with Carrie and Austin! I really hope they have more than a brief stay. Carrie and Austin should be front and center, and Anna is just too fun not to keep around. Does she even know that Andre is back from the dead? I really want to see her reaction to that news.

Another improvement is all the interconnected storylines!  The current one being the micro chip feud between the DiMera, Kiriakis, and Hernandez families. Even Jennifer is getting wrapped up in this one with one of the most unexpected returns ever--Drew Donovan! So much fun! And I'm so happy that they decided to put Jennifer back at the Spectator. That's where she belongs. Also brilliant--bringing Anne on board as well! Their rivalry is a ton of fun and I'm all about a pairing between her and Lucas. (Adrienne and Lucas haven't ever really done it for me.)

So yeah, with the show finally improving, I'm glad Ryan Quan will be sticking around as a creative consultant or whatever. And holy fuck balls--Sheri Anderson is also returning to also be a creative consultant???  The only thing that could make me any happier is if they brought James Reilly back from the dead and added him to the writers circle.

Things are looking up! And just in time with these cancellation rumors floating around!  Fix it, Ron!

The Flaws, They Keep on Comin'

A lot of changes have come up since the last time I weighed in on Days, so it's time for another run-down.  While I still think that the show is tremendously improved...I find myself watching even less than I used to.  Maybe it's just that I'm too busy, or maybe it's that it's harder to watch now that hulu doesn't offer the episodes, but there are certainly still flaws that are there to keep me from caring enough to catch every single episode. Lets explore these flaws, shall we?

The Next Generation

Fix it, Satan Marlena.

 An important aspect to weigh in on are all the the new teens representing the next generation of Days of our Lives characters.  Some are great, some are so-so, and some are gawd awful.  I'm a lot easier on Ciara than the internet seems to be, however I think she's the weakest link.  That's not a good thing when she seems to be the main focus of this teen scene. The new Chase is a capable actor, however is it just me or did they decide to NOT go the "soap hunk" route with this batch of teens.  The new actors aren't ugly or anything, but they certainly don't ooze sex appeal.  Theo is a total cutie but he's such a cream puff that he'll never pull off "sex symbol". Hunky guys aren't everything to a soap, but my shallow ass sure would enjoy looking at them from time to time.  Just make sure they can ACT for the love of God.  None of these kids are super fantastic in that category except for Claire.  I would not be terribly upset if they recast all these teens except for her and maybe Theo.  I'll give that boy time to blossom.

Other New Castings

"This book on acting couldn't possibly be mine!"

Speaking of bad acting, can we recognize how absolutely terrible Lani is?  I like that they're expanding the Carver family, but GIRL!  You are so lucky you've got connections because talent didn't get you that part.  I also find it odd that they decided to add this character to the canvas when what exactly has she really brought to the table as a character?  It's like they know she's not a strong actress so they're keeping her at arm's length from the rest of the characters until they quietly forget she ever existed.  It was kind of fun to see her get involved in the Necktie Killer drama, but then she's back to being wallpaper.  There was absolutely no suspense or mystery involving who she freaking was.  What could have been an interesting storyline for Abe turned out to be a reveal you'd miss if you blinked.  The character herself isn't too terrible, but they need to utilize her.  And get the girl some acting lessons STAT. 

Philip's Haircut

 

Caramba!  Cut the man's hair!  I love the new actor playing Philip, but it's like they tried to give him the same haircut as the old Philip in hopes we wouldn't notice he was a recast! Don't worry about "transitioning" us!  Philip hasn't been on the show in years!  Not to mention we've got Shawn over here with an entirely new face one month after his return.

The Death of Stefano DiMera

Out with a whimper.

I had a big problem with this when it happened. Really? This is how Stefano bites the dust? I know, I know--Stefano never really dies, but DUDE! Joseph Mascalo is like 90 years old now!  I don't think he has another return in him!  If this is his final swan song, he needed to go out with a BANG!  And I guess he did go out with a literal bang, but I'm talking about the figurative BANG.  There was no deserted island involved in this downfall.  No possession.  No kidnapping.  Just Hope losing her cool.  So lame.  A character like Stefano deserved the BIGGEST, CRAZIEST send off ever.  One last hurrah.  Even if he just sits in a fucking chair telling minions what to do the whole time, make it NUTS!  Make it WILD!  Make it an adventure!  It's not like in any of the classic Stefano stories the actor was ever physically pushed to his limits or anything.  He's always been the mastermind behind it all.  He doesn't get his hands dirty!  So it doesn't matter how old and frail Joseph gets--Stefano is still KING!  And this send-off was insulting!

But thank God for Andre DiMera.  Thank God they brought this man back.  He is the only character even comparable to Stefano and they'd better put him front and center as the over-the-top villain that he should be--unleashing batshit crazy shenanigans upon the people of Salem. Unfortunately, he has not been nearly diabolical enough since returning to Salem.  Sure the Chad thing was a little diabolical, but as usual that storyline was resolved entirely too quickly.  And now that that's over, he's focusing his attentions on seeking revenge against Hope Brady--for which he is ENTIRELY JUSTIFIED!  Hope and Rafe are the damn vaillains in this storyline! They killed Andre's father in cold blood and covered it the fuck up. They've turned Andre into the PROTAGONIST! Go get them, Andre!  Just make sure that there's a god damn tropical island involved in your revenge somehow.  Seriously.

An Island just like this.

A Days Vacation

Send these bitches on a trip.  I'm tired of Salem!  I just got done watching the original "Island" storyline on youtube (before those copyright fuckers came along and took down all the classic Days channels--a moronic move unless Sony plans to actually stream those old episodes) and the Island storyline was unbelievably fun.  It brought together a random batch of characters and put them in an exotic location for a wild adventure.  You might say, "oh they don't have the budget for that kind of storyline anymore" but that's some bull shit because the majority of this story was NOT filmed on location.  The initial plane wreckage and Roman's death were the only scenes filmed on an actual beach.  Yet the quality of this storyline was phenomenal. SO much happened!  It shook up the entire show and really tied all the characters and storylines together beautifully!  That's what's really missing from Days that they just cannot seem to get back. It remains one of my largest issues with the writing on this show and it's not the first time I've brought it up.  They've GOT to start utilizing the interconnectivity of the Days universe. Write stories that build on top of other stories, intersecting and colliding, creating interesting outcomes that lead to even more interesting conflicts.  I want the writers to go back and study "The Island" storyline to see what made it work!  Take a page from that book!  (Though I have a feeling the only thing they'd take away is, "DEATH!")

"Didn't I just do this last week?"

These new writers love Death.  And the unfortunate reality of the show's current situation is that it's ONLY good when someone dies (Stefano's death excluded).  They've really got to find other ways to make the show good before EVERYONE is dead!  There's been so much death lately, that if I were living in Salem I would move.  The body count is getting ridiculous.  I'm surprised Eve didn't choke on a bagel and die when she made her exit.

An unfortunate side effect with all these deaths is that when one actor makes his exit, another actor pops up to take their place.  They're adding SO many new characters to the canvas that they can't juggle all the storylines at once!  What am I supposed to be following here?  It's so schizophrenic I think they must have six dozen writers. Especially since NONE of the storylines really relate to one another.  They're all way too independent.  And too many of them are just not that interesting.  I love John and Marlena, but I do not care about the 746th search for John's true origins.  I was perfectly satisfied with the Daphne DiMera resolution of 2003 and it should have stayed that way, especially now that Andre is back.

So while John is boring me to tears, even worse over here is Jennifer with her ridiculous battle with addiction!  OH NOES!  We've never seen a story like that before!  No, sir! Like when Jennifer didn't throw Carly in the shower for getting addicted to pain killers. Or when Brady/Lucas/Maggie/Eric never had a problem with alcohol?!  This is new and interesting territory we're entering here!  This one's gonna go down in Days history, y'all!.  But seriously.  For Christ's sake we have TWO addiction storylines going on right now!  TWO!  (And not ONE possession storyline!  What the fuck is THAT!)  I'm getting terribly bored with 900 storylines that are mediocre when what I really need is 4 or 5 that are fucking good. I'm sure that would help out their budgetary problems too.  But I feel like the producers of Days are more concerned with keeping as many people employed as possible than actually putting out a quality program.

Did I really say I think the show is improved?  Because I think I just argued my way out of that stance.  The writing and casting on this show is still riddled with problems.

You lucky you got renewed for another season, Days.  Because if I were a studio exec, heads would be rolling. 
 

Weighing in on Days' New Direction

So we're now about two months into the Dena Higley and Josh Griffin episodes of Days and I figured it was time for me to weigh in on how things are going.  There have been good changes, there have been bad changes, but the bottom line is--things have gotten BETTER.  Things aren't perfect yet, but they're improving.  So let's start with some good...

Old Favorites Have Returned!  We've got Bo back, we've got Sami back, we've got, we've got Andre back, and most importantly we have STEVE back!  Steve is a favorite of mine that I've been wanting to see come back to the show for years.  He and Kayla are my favorite super-couple so it's an absolute thrill to see them on screen together again.  Three couples I don't think Days should ever be without are Bo and Hope, John and Marlena, and Steve and Kayla.  I'm not even a huge Bo and Hope fan, but I recognize how important they are to the show and it just doesn't feel right not to have them around. That said, I would have absolutely welcomed Robert Kelker Kelly back into the role of Bo and been just as happy.

I was so excited to hear about Andre coming back and am super disappointed that we haven't seen more of him since he's been back.  I'm also super disappointed that he didn't EXPLODE back onto the scene.  Remember when he came back in 2002?  That shit was intense.  Everyone was expecting Stefano to show up at the Penthouse Grille (whatever happened to that place?), but to their surprise it was Andre that came back (once again impersonating Tony)!  This most recent return should have been no less shocking.  So when Justin came by the mansion to question Stefano, it was such a let down that he didn't bat and EYE to the fact that Andre was a) back in Salem, b) ALIVE, and  c) not in jail!  Did Andre already answer to the many many crimes he commited during the Melaswen extravaganza!?  I really don't want to have to sit through that trial, but at the very least we need to address this giant hole in the story.

Andre's Back!  Or is it Tony this time???

So we've got all of these great characters returning, however not all of them have me thrilled.  I'm also a little underwhelmed with the brand new additions to the cast.

In terms of existing characters returning that I'm not that thrilled about, color me unsatisfied with the Justin and Adrienne situation.  While I do like these characters and actors, I haven't been thrilled with how they've been handled.  Justin as the new D.A. is absolutely obnoxious and out of character.  His vendetta against the inherently evil DiMera's is almost as ridiculous as Bo's--but out of nowhere!  Justin has had beef with the DiMera's in the past, but never to the extent that the Brady's have.  Justin has been acting so out of character that I was honestly questioning if he was really Andre in disguise wearing one of his old masks from his Salem Slasher days.  But then they lamely showed up in the same room together, putting an end to that theory.  As for Adrienne, her relationship with Lucas was always a little weird, so I'm glad that's kind of come to an end.  But this storyline about her being susceptible to cancer is a snooze.  I'd much rather Adrienne and Justin getting into shenanigans with Victor and perhaps having some of their other sons return to Salem.  I've always wanted to see the dynamic between Sonny and his other brothers.

Two other returns that I could  have done without are Sonny and Gabi.  While I enjoy the characters, I have never felt that these two were the strongest of actors.  Back when Chandler Massey was on the show, he would carry all their scenes and completely out-shine them.  His performances were so much more genuine and believable than his co-stars.  So when Chandler left the show and we got--ugh--Guy, it was a talent vaccuum.  Guy actually ended up lifting Sonny and Gabi up because I was too busy hating Will to notice the faults in anyone else around him!

I hate to be so negative, but Guy Wilson was the worst re-cast in the history of Days of our Lives.  He was an absolute disaster and it didn't help that the old writers made his character completely unlikable over the past year.  But hey, Will's dead now so I should be happy, right???  WRONG!  Will didn't need to be killed--he needed to be re-cast!  But since no one over there at Days seems to be able to admit that the problem was Guy Wilson and not WILL the character...we get a dead Will.

My Hero--BEN THE NECKTIE KILLER!

It seems like these new writers came in and saw how HATED so many of these characters were, new and old, and decided to clean house as quickly and efficiently as possible.  They saw how everyone on the internet said, "I WISH WILL WOULD JUST DIE ALREADY," and the new writers listened. But what they didn't get (about Will anyway), was that it was only the actor that needed to go.  It makes me wonder what went into their reasoning when it came down to the decision to kill Will.  Did they not want to admit their mistake in such a horrible re-cast?  Was this the only way to get Guy out of his contract?  Or were they just looking to give viewers a truly emotional blow by killing a legacy character?  Whatever their reasoning, it was a complete misfire.  I'm upset to see the character of Will killed off, but the death had very little emotional impact for me because while I was sad to see Will go, I was SO HAPPY that Guy was gone!  The aftermath, however has been very emotional for me.  I try to picture Chandler Massey when they talk about mourning Will because losing Chandler would have been a terrible loss and a kick to my gut.

Will's death aside, I'm thrilled with the new Serial Killer storyline.  It's unfolding a little too quickly for my tastes--Ben's reveal as the killer happened after only two deaths!--but it's been a lot of fun and I hope it gets to drag out for a while.  Chad's involvement and Abigail's support of him have been excellently handled.  He's served as a great red herring and part of almost wants Ben to be a red herring as well because I don't want this mystery to be wrapped up so fast!  If anything, it had better snowball into bigger and better things in much the same way the epic Melaswen saga unfolded.

Moving on from characters and story, I've got to give the set designers and the lighting folks some major props!  I swear to God someone at Days read through my previous posts about what needed to improve on this show and they DID IT.  The sets are looking a lot better--the waterfront docks actually feel like waterfront docks again!  Things aren't perfect, but it's definitely an improvement.  Toning down the bright lighting really enhances the atmosphere of the show.

As for music, they've brought back some of Steve's old cues from the last time he was on the show, but they need to dig even deeper!!!  The early 2000s had some fantastic stuff, as did the 90s.  I don't think they sound dated at all.

So anyway, the show is on the right track to improvement but it's far from perfect.  I still look at General Hospital and wish that Days could have writing that well organized and consistent.  GH is in no way perfect (and actually kind of boring right now), but it certainly comes in a pretty package.  The characters might be put into ridiculous/unpopular situations, but they at least sound/act like themselves when they are and there seem to be fewer plot holes in their stories.  If there are plot holes (just whose kidney DOES Josslyne have???), they don't shy away from that fact.  Carly asked herself that very question about Josslyn but chose not to dwell on it.  That's all I ask Days to do.

A Private Strip Tease Courtesy Ryan Carnes

Hottness Post!  General Hospital has done it again and BOY do they do it well.

Ryan Carnes, easily the hottest SOB in the world, gave us a fantastic little tease on the April 29th episode of GH.  I couldn't resist posting the stills.

And just at the right moment, the pants come down as he passes right behind that damn ice bucket or whatever the hell that is!  I've never hated an ice bucket so much!

Changes are a Comin' to Days! ...in Six Months...

I've been kind of MIA from my blog lately, but that doesn't mean I haven't been keeping up with Days (and General Hospital).  I still watch every episode--no matter how bad the show gets--and I will continue to do so until the day I die or the day they take it off the air, whichever comes first. That said...I hate this show. It's terrible. And Days being terrible makes for a very frustrated, very upset, very disappointed Rory.

Even though I haven't been posting in my blog, I still try to drop a couple comments on the Days Hulu page to get my voice out there.  The thing is, I usually try to speak up whenever I want to let them know that I think they're doing something right...but not always.  There's already so many negative comments out there that are probably already saying what I'm thinking.  And I think it's important for the folks at Days to know what things ARE working, not just what isn't.  Last night, however--I kind of snapped. The show has gotten SO AWFUL that I couldn't hold back my negativity anymore.  So I left this comment:

If only I could use swear words.

I know it's presumptuous to assume the folks at Days even READ my comments, and I admittedly don't know how much of a factor social media feedback actually factors into their decision making, but I figure there's got to be SOMEONE over there who is paid to read viewer responses on Hulu and analyze their feedback.  If there isn't--hire me already!

So as I stated in my Hulu comment, "there are simply TOO MANY PROBLEMS to address in one comment. I need to write an essay."  Lucky for me--I have a blog!  So here is my extended run down of the main areas (i.e. all of them) that need to be fixed at Days when these new changes kick in.

The Writing

First and foremost, the writing on this show is atrocious right now.  It baffles me that these writers have been in the industry as long as they have when their output is as bad as it is. I'm thrilled to know that the current team of Christopher Whitesell and Gary Tomlin have been canned, however of all the people to bring back, they decided on Dena Higley...again.  WHY?  I suppose she has a better grasp on Days than the the previous two writing teams have, but lets not forget that the last time she was working for the show in 2011, they FIRED her ass and decided to hire former "Passions" writers to replace her. Brilliant move. But hey, Days was in need of a facelift and I was all for the change.  It unfortunately never occurred to me that things could get worse.

Austin's here to tell you that "New Days are coming!"

The new writing team of Marlene Clark Poulter and Darrell Ray Thomas Jr was a total misfire and they were soon fired as well, however because of Days' accelerated filming schedule, it would take months before episodes by the new writers would air. Finally in August 2012, the changes kicked in and we got our current writers Whitesell and Tomlin. Again the change was welcome, but we ended up trading in crap for shit. Sure, the "Daysaster" was exciting:

Kiss your ass goodbye, Madeline.

However once the Daysaster was over, the storylines quickly calmed down to their usual mediocrity. I do have to give credit where it's due though. They did give us Nick and Kristen again, two villains you loved to hate. But that didn't excuse the rest of the show, or what has come since.

Let's break down the current storylines, shall we?

Eve and JJ's Affair

My biggest problem with the Eve and JJ storyline is easily Paige.  The actress and the character is the worst. Even if the rumors are true that Kristen Alderson will be replacing True O'Brien (fingers crossed), I'm not sure even she could save this character from her stupidity, obsessive nature, and unrealistic intuition.

Unrealistic Intuition is a problem that many characters on the show suffer from, not just Paige. If there's anything I can't stand, it's when writers allow characters to come to a conclusion without having them actually go through the necessary processes that are needed to realistically come to said conclusion. They have characters pull shit out of thin air, make them way more observant than any real person would be, and have them harp on things that no one would ever really harp on in reality.  It's called LAZY writing and it is used in abundance on Days.  An example:

Daniel's Jacket. They are really stretching it with this one. They've been building up this damn "smoking gun" jacket to be the evidence that will finally expose Eve and JJ's affair.  I might not remember all the details because the situation is just so mind-numbingly stupid and unbelievable, but apparently JJ borrowed this jacket from Daniel on one of his nightly visits to Eve and Paige comes home to find the jacket hanging over a chair. She realizes her mom has a visitor, BURNS THE IMAGE OF THAT JACKET INTO HER BRAIN, later recognizes it as Daniel's and then assumes he must have been the visitor.  Maggie then conveniently has a clothing drive for the church that she's suddenly so involved in and Daniel conveniently decides to give the coat away to charity.  Somehow even Maggie knows that JJ loves this jacket (yet Paige has never seen him wear it once) and is concerned that Daniel should give the jacket to JJ instead of donating it to the church.  I lost track of the saga of the traveling damn jacket at this point because it's all so stupid and contrived, but it's looking like the jacket will allow everyone to finally put the pieces of the puzzle together.  Who would even notice the jacket?  After all this time, who would even remember?

These sorts of unrealistic situations and deductions are so commonplace it would be laughable if it weren't so sad.

Another lazy tactic the current writers constantly throw out there are interruptions/obstacles/plot devices to move the story along that are in no way actually connected to the overall plot of the show. When a character needs to leave a scene, what happens?  A cell phone rings. "Oh, that's the hospital--I have to take this. It's really important."  Really? Then why aren't we following this storyline if its so damn important?

On a show like General Hospital, the cell phone interruption is also commonplace, however it is always used with purpose and connected to an existing character or situation. "Alexis, you need to get to the hospital immediately. Julian has been shot...again."  Exit Alexis.  "Anna? I need you to get over to the Quartermaine mansion right now to arrest a trespassing."  Exit Anna.  GH does a fantastic job of utilizing the shared universe that the characters exist in and it helps them establish a connectivity that enhances the illusion that their world is real and alive. Everything is connected. Days used to have this, but now consistenly fails to utilize it--because it takes work.  The other day on Days there was a brownout at JJ's concert?  Just a random damn brownout. Why couldn't it have been caused by an explosion that Stefano set off ?  Or because Brady ran into a telephone pole after being drugged by Theresa's boyfriend?  Or because Marlena got possessed by the devil again and was trying to seduce John by lowering the lights.  Maybe Days writers are paid by the hour, so they can't take the time to work inter-connectivity into their scripts.  But I doubt it.

Anyway! Getting back to the JJ/Eve/Paige triangle, another giant issue I have with this storyline is with Jennifer.  Jenn is now aware that her son is boffing her old nemesis, so what does Jenn do with this information?  Blackmails Eve into helping JJ and Paige get back together.  Classic Jenn.  No wait--that's not Jenn at all. Why in the world would Jennifer ever support her son lying to his girlfriend about something so huge and disgusting? It's absurd. Jenn should have just told her son to move the fuck on. There are other fish in the sea--ones that are not nearly as needy and annoying as Paige. What does JJ even see in this chick? As a viewer--I don't see it at all.  Why are these two fighting to be a couple?  What have they gone through together?  If they put together a montage of all their greatest moments, what would it be?  Them picking up trash on the street?   JJ fucked up the relationship before the the fans ever had time to give two shits about it.

Here's what I actually want to happen: for JJ to choose Eve. I know most fans are disgusted by their relationship, but I think it's WAY more intriguing than JJ's relationship with Paige. Yes there's a huge age difference with Eve, but the idea of JJ falling in love with his ex-girlfriend's mother who is also his own mother's worst enemy makes for a much more interesting conflict.

Theresa's Pregnancy

Theresa's story is the only story I even give a shit about right now. Why?  Because good old Kristen is connected.  It's wonderfully over the top and involves some of the strongest actors on the show. I'm surprisingly positive about what's going on here.

Also, there's this:

My favorite new VILF (Villain I'd Love to Fuck)

I love that Melanie is involved here too and I hope she continues to stay involved. She and Theresa together are a lot of fun. And the less time Melanie spends with Serena and her god damned elephants, the better.

Those God Damned Elephants

Melanie can hopefully avoid this stupid-ass storyline, but unfortunately Nicole is caught right in the middle of it--complete with a giant dose of Unrealistic Intuition.  I can't tell you how tired I am of hearing about the Elephants.  I think it's hilarious that even Eric is like "ENOUGH with those fucking things already."  But how stupid is it that Eric randomly gives the dumb thing to Parker because it's Parker's FAVE toy!  Not to be Un-PC, but is Parker supposed to be retarded?  The other day he was going on about "SPARKLES!" and "SECRETS!" like he was god damn Smeagol lusting after the One Ring.  That kid is old enough to form sentences and I'm pretty sure he knows what fucking diamonds are if he knows what sparkles are.

So here we go with Serena making 491 attempts to switch out the elephants, which is completely unnecessary in the first place since all she needs to do is take the diamonds out of the secret compartment in the figure. She doesn't have to switch anything so who cares about the elephant itself and who cares if there were two? There didn't need to be two!  So why are you harping on the fact that there were two, Nicole?  Way to over-analyze a situation and focus on something that really isn't significant.

Hope and Aiden

Move along, nothing to see here.  Or at least that's how I feel about Hope and Aiden.  Fans really seem to dig them as a couple, but I just don't get it.  Glad Hope found somebody, but I'm not crazy about Aiden.

But at least Aiden finally revealed something that I honestly didn't see coming. CHASE IS A PSYCHOTIC MURDERER! Fantastic. Turn him into the next Salem Stalker and maybe we'll actually have a story to work with here.

But seriously, Aiden.  What was your train of thought when hiding Chase's bloody clothes? Was inside the wall not a permanent enough hiding place? Did you plan all along to come back and remove them should you ever sell the cabin? What would you do after you removed them?  Destroy the evidence?  If that's the case, WHY DIDN'T YOU DESTROY THE EVIDENCE IN THE FIRST PLACE? There are so many problems with his story, if I were Hope I would assumed that the clothes in the wall were the clothes of child Aiden had killed along with his wife.

Clyde Weston

What can I possibly say about Clyde Weston that the entire Days fanbase hasn't said already?  Terrible?  Horrible?  Redneck?  Totally NOT charming?  I lost all respect for Kate when she fell for this country bumpkin dime store crook.  It's absolutely insulting to EJ that a buffoon like Clyde is the one who did him in. I was so hopeful when Victor had him shot, but oy these writers.  They think they've created a classic charismatic villain, but all they've created is a mistake.

Abby, Chad, and Ben

What's even going on with this story?  It's pretty repetitive and uninteresting, consisting mostly of Chad screwing with Ben, Ben punching Chad, Abby getting mad, and then Chad admitting he was wrong.  I have no idea where things are going or why I should care.  Abby and Ben are yet another couple that is just "together."  They didn't have to fight to be together or anything.  There were no real obstacles in their relationship. They just got together and now here they are taking up space. At least they're pretty.  I'll lump the Brady/Melanie relationship into this category too.  I love them together, but their relationship had no journey, no struggle, no romance.  It simply just came to be.

Will, Sonny, and Paul

Again, what can I possibly say about Will that hasn't been said?  Poor Guy Wilson has about two fans in this world. It's sad but true that he's absolutely terrible.  He was hard enough to like when he was still a good guy. But now that he's a lying, cheating, blackmailing ass hole, I'm wishing I still had Jordan and her resting bitch face!

Will Horton encapsulates another problem the current writing team has--creating villains you love to hate. They've had some success with Nick and Kristen, however JJ, Theresa, and now Will are just completely irredeemable. JJ and Theresa eventually came around, however when they first came to the show they were unlikable, unsympathetic, and incredibly annoying.  Will is taking this to a whole new level through his inability to take responsibility for any of his actions. Sami was guilty of this same character flaw, however she was so enjoyably twisted that you couldn't help but love her.  Not so much the case with Will.  And maybe it's more an issue of poor casting in Guy Wilson.  Either way--get rid of him!  Why would Sonny want to stay with this fucker when he could have Paul?  Or better yet...

 Was this always hiding under that bellhop uniform?

Derrick.  Good Night!  Where was this hunk-a-saurus when they were casting the new Will?? Spencer Neville looks a lot more like Chandler than Guy does and holy mother of God that "V".

Aside from Will being terrible, he's also a sufferer of Unrealistic Intuition.  He gets from A to Z by way of 1, 2, 3.  One single photograph of Paul's mother on the DiMera property and suddenly Paul is the son of Stefano. Reaching much? We all know that Paul is going to turn out to be John's son (unless John's involvment is a clever mislead, though I don't give the writers enough credit to come up with something that sneaky) and that Will is wrong about Tori's connection to the DiMera's, but that's not what the issue is when it comes to these lazy writers. Even though Will is wrong, he is still putting together pieces of a puzzle that aren't even there. Will would have to be a fucking psychic to come to these conclusions.  It's not like he found a picture of a pregnant Tori Narita wrapped in Peter Blake's arms. His deduction, based on a picture of her by a lake, is ludicrous.

This is just one more example of the piss poor clunky-ass writing that we get with Days.

The Music

Moving on from the writing, I'd like to focus on another aspect of the show that doesn't get nearly as much attention--the music. Occasionally I'll see the typical "Eve Moaning Theme" complaint from other viewers, which I agree is so bad that it's funny, but the background music in general has really taken a backseat. I remember when characters and couples used to have THEMES. Why did that go away?  Are character themes considered outdated now? If they are, I strongly disagree. Good background music is something I miss desperately on this show.

In the 80s, we had the brilliant Mary Davich compose dozens of memberable themes that they played throughout each episodes. The 90s brought in a new batch, as did the early 2000s.  But for the last 5 or so years, the music they've used has for the most part been forgettable or laughably bad--the moaning. I would gladly buy the old soundtracks if they were available but unfortunately my only option is to rip them from old clips on the internet.

One of my old faves from the mid 90s.

A good soundtrack sets the mood and can really enhance a scene.  Yet for some reason we rarely hear a good cue anymore.  Suspenseful ones get the blood rushing and sad ones literally make you cry.  I wish to God they'd either bring back some of the older, less dated cues, or at least invite Marty back to create a new batch of classics.

The Casting

Whoever is in charge of casting needs to be fired. I've seen better acting in porn!  It's mind boggling to me how some of these folks get hired.  I often wonder--"did they only audition two people and a pigeon???"  Was there any competition at all?  Or does the Days casting dept (and every other dept for that matter) just take the "good enough" approach.

Not all of the poor casting choices are bad actors though.  Some of them are talented, they just have the unfortunate luck of being given a horrible character or story.  But regardless, several of these actors need to be let go.

Sashay Away

Paige Larson

She's my new Jordan.  Poor Paige is just not fitting in.  She's annoying, she's clingy, but worst of all, she's not a very good actress.  Kristen Alderson would be a magnificent recast.  Not only is she a terrific actress, she's had a previous mother/daughter on-screen relationship with Kassie DePaiva (Eve) from "One Life to Live" and it would be a treat to rekindle that.

Tori Narita

I feel bad about this one because Tori is such a cutie pie and I like her character...but the actress playing her is not the strongest. Tori has the potential to become a major player in Salem, and if she's going to be mixing it up with the likes of John and Marlena in the future, they're really going to need someone who can keep up. John might be over the top and ridiculous sometimes, but he's JOHN! He's LEGEND!

Will Horton

Guy Wilson was a complete disaster.  What were they thinking with this one?  I don't usually like to bring up looks, but...no.  You don't go from Chandler Massey to this.  We need another recast pronto on this one.  I feel for the guy, and behind the scenes I'm sure he is the greatest guy in the world...but y'all fucked up on this one, Days.  Admit your boo boo, rip that band aid off quick, and then bring in Spencer Neville to kiss it and make it better.

Aiden Jennings

Daniel Cosgrove is a competent enough actor, but he just hasn't done it for me since 90210.  He may have eventually won Hope over, but I still haven't warmed up to him. He was such a dick to Hope in the beginning and I guess I never got over how rude he was. Like, I know you've got issues and baggage, but there's no excuse for being an ass hole.  I don't mean acting like an ass hole, I mean being an ass hole.

Clyde Weston

Ugh.  Again, I don't think James Read is a bad actor, but who decided it would be a good idea to make him into a country bumpkin with a southern drawl?  If they insisted he be a redneck, they could at least cast a real one.  As a southerner, there's nothing more annoying to deal with than a character with a phony southern accent. (I'm looking at you Rick Grimes).  I'll bet James Read is actually very charming in real life, but turn on that god awful accent and my ass hole clenches.  You ain't gettin' in there, Mr. Weston!  No ma'am!

Rafe Hernandez

I'm the cheese standing alone on this one.  I don't think anyone else out there dislikes Rafe the way I do. Lucky for me, his character has become pretty damn pointless lately and doesn't do much. Hopefully he'll fade away and we'll never hear from him again...I'm not holding my breath though. His pact with satan remains in tact and he'll be on daytime till the day he dies, I have no doubt.  But even I can't deny he's one handsome devil and the man doesn't age!

Shante You Stay

Chad DiMera

Chad is one of the few recasts that I really love. He's a talented actor AND super hot! We got the whole package with this one. He also seems much more mature than the original Chad, which is good considering the way they're writing him. I couldn't see Casey Deidrick at all those boardroom meetings with Kate and Stefano. Billy Flynn is a welcome addition and if I were Abigail, I would be going DiMera again in no time.

Paul Narita

Paul might not be the strongest actor (getting emotional is not his greatest trick), but I do like him. I also think it's great to finally have an Asian on the show that isn't one of Stefano's concubines. (Although of course they're trying to connect Tori to Stefano.)

Theresa Donovan

Theresa started out as another irredeemable, unlikable villain, doing terrible things to good people for no  reason other than she's cruel and selfish. They've done a good job of turning her into a more sympathetic and vulnerable character capable of being liked by the audience. I even root for her now! Also, Jenn Lilley is a great actress. I felt bad they'd given such a talented girl such an unlikable role, but I'm happy to see that turning around.

Eric Brady

Now that Eric isn't a priest anymore, he's a treat!  Too bad he's being bogged down by the mess that is the SAGA OF THE ELEPHANTS.  Keep Eric around, but give him a new storyline and a new love interest.  Keep him away from Nicole though.  I don't think I can take their back and forth bull shit anymore.

Clint

Excuse me while I drool on myself. Clint hasn't been a major player so far, but I'm enjoying the hell out of him! He's a great DiMera henchman and a hottie at that.

Riding the Line

Serena Mason

While I hate her storyline to death, I recognize that she's a good actress and I don't necessarily want her to leave, just her story...and those god forsaken elephants.

Daniel Jonas

If they stop writing Daniel like a hyper-sensitive bitch, I'll like him again.  But lately he's just annoying...and Unrealistically Intuitive.  "I KNOW something is going on with JJ!  He was sad yesterday--but now he's happy!  Tell me what it is since I'm NEVER going to let it go even though it's none of my god damned business!"  That's been his dialogue for two weeks now.  Fix it, Jesus.

Eve Donovan

Eve is another actress that I love, but can't get on board for her story and I don't think I'll be able to until they recast Paige.

JJ Deveraux

JJ is in the same boat as Eve.  Just get him away from Paige and I'll be able to handle him.  Paige is bringing everyone around her down...well, her and the writers.

Ben Rogers

He's hot...he can sort of act...but his family is the worst family to hit Salem since...ever...

Sonny Kiriakis

People like Sonny.  And I do too.  But from the beginning, I have not bought his performances.   They usually fall kind of flat, however he did do some excellent work during the episodes when he confronted Will about sleeping with Paul.  He really surprised me!  But that's the thing--I shouldn't be surprised by a good performance.  Impressed maybe, but not surprised.  I used to think Chandler overshadowed Freddie as an actor and that Freddie was the weaker half of Will and Sonny.  BOY has Guy Wilson reversed that opinion.  Now I freaking love Sonny just because I can't stand Will!

The Sets

Moving onto the problem of the Sets, this is an area that I feel is most closely related to the budget cuts the show has gotten over the years.  It's unfortunate and I don't think there's much they can do to fix this, but there are certain things I really wish they would put some money towards.  If they need to free up some dough, cut a couple of actors--PLEASE!

The thing with soap opera sets is that there's no hiding that they're indoor sets. It's obvious they're not filming on location but as an audience, we suspend our disbelief and buy into the illusion.  The thing is, there are things they can do to help make that illusion more believable that they just don't do anymore.  A light breeze, a little fog, light reflecting off the water.  Back when they actually used to use the pier as a set, these subtle touches really painted a picture of where the characters were.  Eventually, they dropped all of that and replaced it with bright lighting. A set that used to look like a waterfront basically took on the illusion of being a well lit alley way.  I remember a later scene where EJ fished Sami's engagment ring out of the river and I was all thrown, like--this is still supposed to be a Pier???

One of the more painful scenes from recent memory that truly displayed how the restrained budget can affect the show's quality was during the huge "gala" event that Hope and Aiden put together. They built it up for months and  I was looking forward to the possiblity of seeing a "nurses ball" caliber celebration. Knowing the budget woes, I didn't get my hopes too high up because I figured they would end up finding a way to work around showing the actual gala. Sure enough, they did. Everyone got all dressed up to go hang out in a freaking storage room (the old set for Kristen's hotel room, as if the fan's wouldn't notice!) It was pathetic.  Maggie would stroll into the room and say, "Wow, this gala is a HUGE success!  There are tons of people out there!" But of course we never see these people since Days can't afford to pay that many extras to be party guests. We just have to take Maggie's word for it that they're all out there having a blast.  The only glimpse we get of the actual gala is through a monitor as everyone backstage watches Marlena's speech.

Painful stuff, folks.  Absolutely painful.

So while the set situation is a definitely problem, it's an understandable one, and one that I feel they can work around and still make a good soap.  But the things they can't work around are subpar writing and casting disasters. You would think that the producers and people in charge would be able to see these gigantic flaws before they hit the screen, but unfortunately its not until the viewers and the fans get a chance to see the final product that they get the feedback they need to make changes. And that leads us into the next glaring problem with Days:

The Production Schedule

Days of our Lives films about 4.5 months in advance.  I imagine since they're not doing many set changes or location shoots filming gets done fairly quickly.  But this gigantic time gap is a tremendous problem which leaves me to wonder why they continue to adhere to it!  From a storytelling stand point, it makes it almost impossible to surprise viewers with casting changes.  If a character makes a surprise return, it's going to be pretty hard to keep that secret under wraps for FOUR MONTHS vs less than 4 weeks like a regular soap.

The bigger problem with a 4.5 month advance shooting schedule is that when a character or storyline airs and it falls flat with the audience, these situations need to be fixed FAST. When they finally do admit their mistake with Will (or Guy Wilson decides to "move on" to bigger better things), we are still going to have to sit through four and a half more months of shitty Will before we can finally get the recast we've been wanting.  For me, it's torture but at least they know I'm in it through the good and bad.  But for the casual fans?  This is DEATH!  They're not going to keep watching this crap. And with folks like Jordan, Will, Clyde, and Paige running around, people will be leaving in droves.

It's remarkable to me that Days hasn't been cancelled yet with so many things working against it! I'm curious what the actors think about the status of the show.  Are they as deluded as the writers and producers?  I follow Deidre Hall on facebook and she's always rainbows and butterflies, posting selfies with every actor on the show.  And I'm sure she loves working with these folks because they're nice people, but is anyone PROUD of the product they're putting out there?  I understand it's their job to promote the show and be positive about things, but it must be hard sometimes.

And while the actors have their personal social media outlets where they can put on that happy face (while their souls die little by little), the show has it's own crew of facebook promoters that do their best to put a positive spin on a hopeless disaster. Luckily they usually stick to funny quotes from Victor, but sometimes I just shake my head and give them the big Rory eyeroll.  Let me pull up a gem from the official Days of our Lives facebook fan page:

Two thousand comments saying "The moment she left."  Priceless

I really feel for those poor folks in charge of social media that have to think of creative ways to make this show seem interesting.  They should focus on Throwback Thursday a little bit more because they past is the only thing that Days of our Lives has going for it.  I'd rather watch 80s reruns than anything airing today.


So there you have it.  My GIANT ASS COMMENT that wouldn't fit on Hulu.  I hate that I'm able to rant on this long because the show is that terrible, but here's twist--I LOVE THIS SHOW!  Obviously I love it, otherwise I wouldn't get so worked up about it getting so bad and take an entire evening to go online and bitch and moan about how it needs to change.  I know this show has the potential to be fantastic and I know how absolutely incredible it has been!  So when these fuckers go and put MY SOAP in danger of cancellation, I get pretty damn beyond infuriated.  I'll be downright possessed by the devil and go Marlena Evans on their asses if they don't turn this show around. But lets hope it doesn't come to that. We've got Steve on the way, and Steve makes everything a-ok.

The Return of Susan Banks!

This week saw the return of a character I never realized I missed so much--Susan Banks!

That Kristen is just mean, mean, mean.

Every time I watch Susan, I can't help but wear a gigantic grin across my face. Eileen Davidson does such a fantastic job transforming herself into this character.  I'm so glad she was able to dust her off and flawlessly re-capture Susan after all these years.  And for once the fans agree with me!

All 2000 of them.

It's been a really long time since I've gone back and RE-WATCHED scenes on Days.  Who knew it would take Susan to get me there.  I do feel like Days is taking a BIT of a step in the right direction lately.  It might just be that whenever Kristen is around, she invigorates the show, but I do feel like things in Salem are becoming more interwoven, and more interesting.  

I tell you what I'm still not into though...The Ridgeways.  They really need to let this branch of the show DIE, already...and take Rafe with them.  I feel bad for hating Rafe so much, but I can't help it. He's so awful!  Seeing him with Kate KIND of redeemed him because that relationship was a little screwed up.  Sleeping with Kate the first time made Rafe seem a little less heroic and a little more bad boy.  But now he's back to being all cookie cutter with Jordan...until he cheated on her.  You'd think I'd actually enjoy that turn of events, but no, it just made Rafe even more despicable. That's such a huge fuck up and it was SO easy for him to roll right back into bed with Kate.  I really can't see him and Jordan coming back from that ultimate fuck-up...but you KNOW the writers will try to get them back together.  In my eyes, it's too late.  That relationship is tarnished and imperfect.  I'm no longer rooting for Rafe and Jordan (not that I ever really was.), but Days doesn't seem to get that.  It might be realistic for Jordan to take Rafe back after such a screw up, and maybe that's what they're going for--realism--but this is fiction, Days! On the most ridiculous level! The heroes are supposed to have much more inspiring morals.

I feel like Days is too steeped in this "realness" and is afraid of going at all "fantastical" or "adventurous" anymore.  Maybe that's because of their shitty budget, but I think they could still pull off some fun storylines despite it.  Bringing Susan back in was a step in the right direction.  She's over-the-top and wacky...something Days is sorely lacking.  When Susan brought up premonitions and Celeste, it brought back memories of the Good Old Days, when out-of-the-ordinary was actually quite ordinary in Salem--for EVERYONE, not just Kristen.